In episode 106 of Women Disrupting Tech, I speak with Kirsten Heukels. She breaks down the impact of human behavior, generational differences, and trust in leadership.
It’s a masterclass on communication, behavior and leadership for startup founders and investors.
Kirsten Heukels is a confidential counselor, mediator, and crisis negotiator. With 25 years of experience helping people navigate conflict, trust, and pressure, she brings rare insights into what really drives behavior in teams and leadership.
🔍 Key Themes from Our Conversation
1. Human Behavior Is a Deep Pool. Don't keep it shallow.
Kirsten uses the metaphor of an iceberg: what you see (behavior) is just the tip. What drives it lies below: in perception, emotion, upbringing, and culture. If we skip the deeper layer, we miss the truth behind tension or misalignment.
2. Generational Differences Have Strategic Impact
For the first time in history, we have four generations working side by side. Kirsten explains how this impacts leadership and decision-making. And why younger generations are changing how we define work, trust, and authority.
3. Inclusion Is About Practicing it, Daily
One of the most powerful takeaways is that inclusion happens in how we speak to each other, not just in what we write down. It's built on trust, not templates.
✨ 3 Magic Quotes that Define our Conversation
🧬 "Every person's perception is as unique as their DNA."
Kirsten breaks down communication to its core truth: no two people experience the world in the same way.
This simple idea has massive implications for founders, especially when building teams, resolving conflict, or aligning on the mission.
Shared language doesn't mean shared meaning. If you're not asking clarifying questions, you're probably assuming too much. And you know what they say about assuming...
🤝 "Empathy can lead to exclusion."
Think this is counterintuitive? Kirsten explains that we naturally empathize with people who remind us of ourselves, which can quietly reinforce sameness.
In hiring, decision-making, and even social moments, unchecked empathy can become a bias.
For startup teams trying to innovate, this is a warning: familiarity feels good. Difference makes you grow.
⏳ "If nobody's dying and nothing's on fire, you have time."
A mantra for high-pressure environments. Founders are often told to move fast, be decisive, and act with urgency.
But not every moment is a crisis.
Kirsten's reminder is about intentionality. Leadership isn't about reacting quickly. It's about responding wisely. Slowing down might just be your most strategic move.
🛠 3 Practical Tips for Founders and Startup Teams
1. Understand Your Own Default Reactions Before Leading Others
Kirsten explains that we all have a go-to survival response: fight, flight, or freeze. Founders under pressure often default without realizing it: raising their voice, withdrawing, or stalling decisions. But real leadership means pausing long enough to choose your response intentionally.
Tip: Ask yourself: What's my default in conflict? And is it helping or hurting my team?
2. Lead Across Generations with Trust, Not Assumptions
With four generations in the workplace, leadership is no longer about seniority. It's about adaptability. Younger team members may ask "why?" more often. That's not resistance. It's engagement.
Tip for experienced leaders: Don't try to correct younger team members. Try to understand what drives them. Trust grows when people get space to reach shared goals in their own way.
3. Culture starts at the top and comes to life in everyday conversations
Kirsten is clear: culture is top-down. Founders and senior leaders set the tone by what they reward, tolerate, and model. But culture doesn't stick because of values on a wall. It sticks when people feel it in daily conversations, in how leaders listen, give feedback, or handle disagreement.
Tip: Start by asking yourself: Are you walking the talk in a way your team can feel?
Click play above to hear more, or find episode 106 of Women Disrupting Tech on Apple, Spotify, YouTube or Amazon.
And if you’re interested in connecting with Kirsten or 1for2 Social Innovation, find the links in the show notes.
🤔 Your Turn: A Question for You
What’s one conversation you’ve been avoiding in your team — and what might happen if you finally had it?
Let me know in the comments or message me directly. I’d love to hear what you take from this episode.
Coming up on Women Disrupting Tech
Next week, we’ll discover how volunteering can help you be more productive, happy and healthy. Karlijn L’Ortye shares how she’s building a platform where you can find the volunteering gig that is right for you.
Here’s a clip to warm you up.
Stay tuned for more in episode 107.
And until the next episode, stay curious and Keep Being Awesome!
Dirkjan
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